NEVER BE LIED TO AGAIN FROM PAGE 8

Clue 14 - Roadblocks, Barriers, and Obstacles: See if she uses inanimate objects -a pillow, a drinking glass, anything- to form a barrier between you and him. Just as you would shield yourself from physical harm, so, too, does she protect herself from a verbal assault. How comfortable someone is with a particular topic can be readily seen in how open he is to discussing it. Placing a physical barrier between you and her is the verbal equivalent of "I don´t want to talk about it," indicating deception or a covert intention. Since he can´t get up and leave, his displeasure manifests itself in the formation of physical barriers between him and the source of discomfort./ Jim, a colleague of mine, told me an interesting story about his former boss, who was president of a large manufacturing company. Whenever Jim was in the boss´s office and brought up employee problems, product flaws, or anything that made the president uncomfortable, his boss would place his coffee mug on the desk in front of him, between them both. Then he would casually and quite unconsciously line up all of the desk accesories, forming a clear barrier between himself and his employee./ Summary: ~ There´s movement away from his accuser, possibly in the direction of the exit. ~ He is reluctant to face his accuser and may turn his head or shift his body away. ~ The person who is lying will probably slouch; he is unlikely to stand tall with his arms out or outstretched. ~ There will be little or no physical contact during his attempt to convince you. ~ He will not point his finger at the person he is trying to convince. ~ He may place physical objects between himself and his accuser./ Section 4: What is said: Actual Verbal Content: "The cruelest lies are often told in silence." -Robert Louis Stevenson./ The words we choose to express ourselves provide a window to our true feelings. When we wish to deceive, we choose certain words, phrases, and syntax that we think will convey truth in our message. Think of the many ways you can communicate the word yes, from the verbal to the nonverbal. How we choose to express ourselves indicates how strongly we believe what we say./ There are subtle differences between what the truth sounds like and what a lie dressed up to sound truthful sounds like. The words we choose to convey a message are much more reflective of our true feelings than you might suspect./ Clue 15 - Using Your Words to Make his Point: Have you ever noticed how you respond to social gestures of courtesy when you´re preoccupied? In the morning, when you walk into your office and someone says "Good morning" to you, you respond with "Good morning." If you´re greeted with "Hello," you answer "Hello." You´re just not interested in making the effort to think./ In this clue, though, the person accused doesn´t have time to think, so he reflects back the statement of his accuser out of fear. Because he is caught off guard, he replies using the other person´s words, but in the negative. Making a positive statement negative is the fastest way to get the words out. For example, an aggrieved spouse asks, "Did you cheat on me?" The liar answers, "No, I didn´t cheat on you." "Did you ever cheat on me?" Did you becomes didn´t and ever becomes never. Remember, above all else, the guilty wants to get his answer out fast. Any delay makes him feel like he appears more guilty. And to the guilty every second that passes seems like an eternity./ Skilled interviewers and interrogators know the following rule concerning contractions. When a suspect uses a contraction - "It wasn´t me" instead of "It was not me" -statistically speaking, there is a 60 percent chance he´s being truthful. Sometimes the guilty, in an attempt to sound emphatic, don´t want to use a contraction in their statement of innocence; they want to emphasize the not./ Clue 16 - The More He Tries, the More You Should Worry: It´s often been said that the best people to sell to are those who have signs posted saying NO SALESMAN OR SOLICITORS. These people know that they can be sold anything, so they attempt to deflect salespeople from trying./ A person speaking the truth is not concerned about whether you misunderstand him; he is always willing to clarify. The liar wants to be sure that you understand his point immediately so that he can change the subject and no further questions will be asked. When his evidence is fragile, the words he uses are bold and solid, to compensate. For example, asked if he ever cheated on a test in law school, Peter might respond with "I´m pretty sure I never did." If he had and wanted to convince someone to the contrary, his response is likely to be more definitive: "No, I would never cheat on a test." Of course someone who never has cheated might give the same answer, so this statement needs to be considered in the context of the conversation and in conjunction with other clues./ Sometimes people who adamantly assert an opinion or view don´t even hold it themselves. If they were confident in their thinking, they would not feel a need to compensate. If someone says right up front that he positively won´t budge, it means one thing: He knows he can be swayed. He needs to tell you this so you won´t ask, because he knows he´ll cave in./ Ironically, the confident person will use phrases like "I´m sorry, this is pretty much the best we can do" or "I´m afraid there´s not a whole lot of room for negotiation here." This person´s words provide comfort for his opponent, not a shield for himself./ Clue 17 - The Good Old Freudian Slip: Sometimes we say one thing when we mean to say another. This is referred to as a Freudian slip, a subconscious leak when a person´s misspoken words reflect and reveal his true feelings, thoughts, or intentions. For example, someone who means to say, "We worked really hard on the project; it took us all night to complete it," might slip and say, "We worked really hard on the project; it took us all night to copy it." / There´s a great joke about these unconscious slip-ups. A man confessed to his friend that he had made a Freudian slip during a recent dinner with his parents. He said, "I meant to say ´Could you please pass the salt?´ to my mother. Instead it came out as ´I had a terrible childhood and you´ve ruined my life, you wicked woman.´" / Clue 18 - I´m Above That Sort of Thing: When a person is asked a question, if he responds with an answer that depersonalizes and globalizes the question, be aware. Let´s say you ask someone, "Were you honest with me about our conversation yesterday?" Watch out if you get a reply like "Of course I was. I would never lie to you. You know how I feel about lying." Or when someone is asked, "Did you ever steal from your last job?" he responds with, "No, I think stealing from one´s job is the worst thing you can do." Or "Did you ever cheat on me?" And you hear, "You know I´m against that sort of thing. I think it morally reprehensible." To sound more emphatic, a liar offers abstract assurances as evidence of his innocence in a specific instance. In his mind the evidence doesn´t weigh favorably for him, so he brings in his fictitious belief system to back him up./ Clue 19 - Silence Is Gold-Plated: Have you ever experienced a first date where a lapse in conversation caused uneasiness or anxiety? When you´re unvomfortable, silence adds to your discomfort. Conversely, some married couples can be comfortable in each other´s presence for hours without a single word being exchanged. The guilty are uncomfortable with silence. / When someone is asked a question, take notice if he continues to add more information without being prodded. A typical scenario would go like this: You ask Jack where he was Friday night. He responds with "I was out with my friends." You don´t acknowledge his answer. Jacks gets nervous because in his mind he hasn´t sold you. So he goes on: "We went to the movies." He´ll continue adding new facts until you respond, thus letting him know that he´s convinced you./ This should not be confused with the person who says it all right away. The guilty tells his story in dribs and drabs until he gets a verbal confirmation to stop. He speaks to fill the gap left by the silence./ Clue 20 - An Implied Answer Is No Answer: Often when a person doesn´t want to respond to a question he will imply an answer. For example, Ralph is speaking on the telephone with a girl he has never met before. He says jokingly, "So, are you gorgeous?" She proceeds to tell him that she works out three times a week, takes an aerobic class every other day, and has dated several male models. This is a nonanswer. She is attempting to circumvent the question altogether by implying that she is attractive. The following exchange is from a press confernece between reporter Helen Thomas and President Nixon´s press secretary, Ronald Ziegler, during the Watergate scandal: ~ Thomas: Has the President asked for any resignations so far and have any been submitted or on his desk? ~Ziegler: I have repeatedly stated, Helen, that there is no change in the status of the White House staff. ~ Thomas: But that was not the question. Has he asked for any resignations? ~ Ziegler: I understand the question, and I heard it the first time. Let me go through my answer. As I have said, there is no change in the status of the White House staff. There have been no resignations submitted./ The question "Has the President asked for any resignations?" was not answered either directly or indirectly. Ziegler tried to imply that he was giving an answer to the question, but he never did answer it./ Summary: ~ He will use your words to make his point. ~He will keep adding more information until he´s sure that he has sold you on his story. ~He may stonewall, giving the impression that his mind is made up. This is often an attempt to limit your challenges to his position. ~Watch out for the good old Freudian slip. `He depersonalizes his answer by offering his belief on the subject instead of answering directly. ~He may imply an answer but never state it directly./ Section 5: How Something is Said: "What is the use of lying when the truth, well distributed, serves the same purpose." -W.E. Forster./ I know a hair stylist who would go into the woman´s purse for his tip after the haircut. No one ever got upset with him because he did it in such an innocent way that you just had to laugh. It´s how he did it that made all the difference./ Two salespeople can read all the manuals on selling and learn all the sales pitches there are, and one will still sell far more than the other. While the two speak the same words, these words convey completely different messages. How something is said is often just as important as what is said./ Emphasis on different parts of a sentence can convey completely different meanings. Notice the different ways the phrase "Michelle was caught stealing from her boss" can be interpreted depending upon where the emphasis is placed. Michelle (a) / was (b) / caught (c) / stealing (d) / from her (e) / boss (f)./ (a) By emphasizing the name Michelle, you´re conveyeing the significance of who stole. (b) Emphasis on was draws attention to the fact that it has already happened. (c) Emphasis on caught indicates that the fact that she got caught is unusual. (d) Stress on stealing lets us know that stealing is out of character for her. (e) If from her is emphasized, the fact that she stole from her own boss is unusual. (f) Emphasis on boss shows that it was unusual for her to steal from a boss -any boss./ This section explores the subtleties of communication. You will see how the speaker´s hidden thoughts are always hinged to the expression of his words./ Clue 21 - Speedy Gonzalez: There´s a rule of thumb about the speed at which an individual answers. It is most germane when you ask about intangibles -attitudes or beliefs- instead of facts. A well known restaurant chain uses a timed test response in their hiring process. They will ask the interviewee if she has any prejudices against other ethnic groups or if she feels uncomfortable working with or serving certain people. The longer it takes her to answer no, the lower her score. This question concerns a belief and requires internal processing. Someone who holds no such prejudice answers quickly. A person who is prejudiced takes longer to evaluate the question ad formulate her answer. The prejudiced person tries to come up with the "right" answer, which takes more time than merely giving an honest answer./ Another element to consider is pacing. How fast does the rest of the sentence follow the intial one-word response? In truthhful statements a fast no or yes is followed quickly by an explanation. If the person is being deceitful the rest of the sentence may come more slowly because she gets that no or yes out quickly but then needs time to think up an explanation./ Clue 22 - Compensation: Be suspicious of someone whose reaction is all out of proportion to the question or comment. This person is attempting to accomplish a variety of objectives.He wants to appear outraged by the accusation, but he is not. So she exaggerates her displeasure, often ending up going a little overboard. She tries to convince you because the evidence doesn´t. As Shakespeare said, "The lady doth protest too much." Also beware of diatribes where she repeats points that she has already made./ Sometimes a person may claim to be indignant about a cause or belief because he is trying to convince himself along with his accuser. This reaction, interestingly enough, takes place at the unconscious level. The man who claims to be adamantly against prostitution may be covering up his true feelings, which are the exact opposite. Not wanting to become consciously aware of what he really believes, he reinforces his overt attitude by expressing it aggressively. Of course, though the person could just be passionate about his cause, so this statement needs to be viewed within the context of the conversation./ This person is also reluctant to use words that convey attachment and ownership. For example, while lying about his car having been stolen, he may refer to it as "the car" or "that car" and not "my car" or "our car." When lying about a relationship or actions toward a person, he may use such phrases as "that child," or "the relationship," instead of "my child" or "our relationship."/ Clue 23 - Emphasis Makes the Meaning: The pronouns I, we. amd us are underused or absent. The liar doesn´t want to own his words. When a person is making a truthful statement, he emphasizes the pronoun as much as or more than the rest of the sentecne. Instead of saying, "Yes, I am," a person who is lying respond with a simple yes./ Words of expression are not emphasized. For example. "We had a greeeat time!" conveys ownership of his word. Now say quickly, "It went great" -bland and noncommittal./ When a person is speaking truthfully, the initial one-or two-word agreement or denial may be elongated for emphasis- "Nooo," "Yeeesss," or "Of courrrse." This type of emphasis is usually absent in deception. Thise elongation occurs because the person is comfortable with his position and doesn´t mind "playing" with his answer. A friend of mine who is an acting coach tells me that unpolished actors often speak all the words in their lines with equal emphasis, a dead giveaway that they are novices. The simple practice of elongating key words often makes for much more believable performances./ Additionlly, there will probably be no highs or lows, just in-betweens. Not only is the voice higher -like any other muscle, the vocal cords tighten under stress- but varied voice inflections may be missing. We generally use inflection for emphasis when we are making a point. A deceitful statement often is delivered in a flat voice devoid of any real nuances./ Clue 24 - The Mumbler: The words themselves may not be clear; they seem forced. This person is inclined to mumble and speak more softly than if he were passionate about his statement. Out of fear, howevver, it´s possible that his voice may become higher and his rate of speech accelerated. Grammar and syntax may be off as well, with poor sentence structure and misspoken words likely to occur./ When Sarah professed her love for her fiancé, she would tell him how much she cared for him. And he would reply in a barely audible voice, simply repeating her words back to her. This didn´t seem like a big deal until she started putting a few other things together. Instinctively we know that when a person responds like Sarah´s ex, something is missing. And that something is often the truth./ Clue 25 - Questions and Statements Shouldn´t Sound Alike: Asking a question and making a statement have two distinct speaking styles. When a person asks a question -"What are you doing?" -his head comes up at the end- on the ing in doing. The eyes, too, will open wider at the last part of a question./ How is this useful? Suppose you get an answer that is worded like a statement but styled like a question. This indicates that the person is unsure of his statement and is looking fr confirmation from you. If you ask someone a question and he says with all certainty, "XYZ," but his voice, head, and eyes lift at the end of their statement then his conviction is not as strong as he is leading you to believe./ Summary: ~ Deceitful responses to questions regarding beliefs and attitudes take longer to think up. ~ Watch out for reactions that are all out of proportion to the question. ~ The person who is lying may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous and inexpressive voice. Words may be garbled, and syntax and grammar may be off.. In other words, his sentences will likely be muddled. ~ Statements sound an awful lot like questions, indicating that he´s seeking reassurance./ Section 6 - Psychological Profile: These clues concer how a liar thinks and what elements are usually missing from a story that´s fictitious./ Clue 26 - He´s Got Cheating on His Mind: How people see the world is often a reflection of how they see themselves. If they think that the world is just a cesspool of lies and deceit, then they themselves may be full of lies and deceit. Watch out for those people who are always telling you just how corrupt the rest of the world is. As the saying goes, "It takes one to know one."/ More specifically, if someone out of the blue with no real evidence accuses you of lying, ask yourself, "Why is he so paranoid?" In psychological terms terms this is what is referred to as projection. That´s why the con artist is the first one to accuse another of cheating. If you´re constantly being questioned about your motives or activities, this should send off bells in your mind. How often do we hear of a jealous boyfriend who constantly accuses his grilfriend of cheating on him only to have her find out later that he´s guilty of everything he´s been accusing her of doing? / Also, if he is always asking you if you believe him, then beware. Just as the clinically paranoid person feels that everyone can see right through him, this person questions the integrity of his facade. If your response gives no real indication of your thoughts, someone who is deceitful may respond with something like "You don´t believe me, do you?" / Here´s a good rule of thumb: most people who tell the truth expect to be believed./ Clue 27 - The Single Guy: Is the focus of the individual whose veracity you´re trying to assess internal or external? Let´s say a single man walks into a bar hoping to meet a woman. If he considers himself to be attractive and a good catch, then his focus would be on what the women in the bar look like. If he considers himself to be unattrractive, then he would be more concerned with how he appears to them. In other words, his focus shifts depending upon his level of confidence./ When a person has confidence in his words, he´s more interested in your understanding him and less interested in how he appears to you. This is a cubtle clue, but we can see examples of this in everyday life. When you´re interested simply in making a point, you want to make sure the other person understands you. When you´re deceitful or trying to cover up, your focus is internal -on how you sound and appear as you´re relating the "facts." You´re conscious of your every word and movement. You try to act in a certain way so you will be perceived as you want to be. Subtle difference, but a big distinction./ Clue 28 - Another Dimension in Lying: Here´s a clear indication of a story that doesn´t ring true. As careful as he may be in relating the details of an event, the liar often leaves out one crucial element -the point of view or the opinion of someone else. This is because it adds another dimension or layer to his thinking that the liar is usually not clever enough to come up with. While other people may be included in his story, another person´s thoughts are not. Suppose you ask your girlfriend where she was last night. She tells you she had to work´late. But you´re not convinced that´s true. So you press for more information and ask what she had for dinner. Here are two possible answeres she might give: 1. "Oh, I wasn´t really hungry, so I just came home and watched TV with my roommate. She made pasta but I passed on it." 2. "Oh, I wasn´t really hungry, so I just came home and watched TV. My roommate was so shocked that I would actually skip a meal, especially her famous pasta dish." / Both answers contain pretty much the same information, but the second adds another layer of thought -the roomamate´s point of view. Our gut instinct might tell us that this answer is more believable and more likely to be true than the first one. Not including another´s point of view in an answer doesn´t immediately disqualify it. The inclusion of another´s point of view, though, will often indicate that you´re being told the truth./ Clue 29 - Everything Went Perfectly! : One thing is almost always missing from a story that´s not ture -what went wrong. Events that are made up rarely include any negative details. A person who is lying is concerned with getting her story straight, and her thoughts are essentially one-dimensional. This means only primary thoughts-which are positive. Negation is not a primary emotion. In much the same way that if I said "Don´t think of an elephant," you couldn´t do it. In order to process the information, you need to frist think of an elephant. Ask a friend to tell you about her last vacations. She´ll cover all of the bases, both positive and negative -maybe the food was good, maybe the flight was delayed. Then ask someone to make up a story about a vacation that she never went on. Your´ll notice that the elements are usually all positive. The luggage never gets lost on a made-up voyage./ One caveat to this clue: if the story is used as an explanation as to why he was delayed or had to cancel plans, then obviously you can expect negatives. In that cases this clue would not be helpful./ Clue 30 - Is There Anything You Would Like to Know? A good liar may be practiced at answering questions so that she sounds truthful. But even the best will give herself away by not asking the right questions. The reason for this is that the conversation is not real for the liar. After all she´s not interested in learning anything. She only wants to convince you that she is being truthful. For example, during their first intimate encounter, Randy asks his new girlfriend if she´s ever been tested for AIDS. She respons with "Oh, yes, certainly," and continues on a but about annual checkups, giving blood, etc. And then nothing! If she was concerned about her health, as her answer implied, then she would have asked him the same question. The liar is often unaware that coming across as truthful means both answering and asking questions./ Summary: ~ W odten see the world as a reflection of ourselves. If you´re being accused of something, check your accuser´s veracity. ~ Look at whether his focus is internal or external. When a person is confident about what he´s saying, he´s more interested in your understanding him and less interested in how he appears to you. ~ The point of view of a third party is likely to be absent from a liar´s story. ~ In relating a story, a liar often leaves out the negative aspects. ~ A liar willingly answers your questions but asks none of his own./ Section 7 - General Indications of Deceit: The following is a mixed bag of clues that indicate deception. They can be used with great reliability by themselves or in conjunction with other clues./ Clue 31 - Whew, I´m Sure Glad That´s Over: Watch and listen carefully during a conversation when the subject is changed. Does he become happier? Does he seem more relaxed? He may even offer a smile or nervous laugh./ Notice his posture. Does it become more relaxed and less defensive? The giveaway here is how fast and dramatically his mood changes, indicating his discomfort with the previous subject matter. Test him to see if he´s quick to change the subject. If he has been accused of something abominable and is innocent, he will resent the accusations and will insit that the topic be explored further, either now or at some future date. Remember, the guilty wants the subject changed; the innocent always wants a further exhcange of information./ Clue 32 - How Dare You Accuse Me? If he is accused of something harsh and is not indignant and offended that his honor has been questioned, this is a highly reliable sign that he´s been caught off guard. It´s been said that during the preliminary stages of the O.J. Simpson investigation, detectives thought it curious that Simpson did not appear to be outraged by the accusation that he had murdered his ex-wife and her friend Ron Goldman./ While he is bien accused the liar will remain fairly expressionless, like a student being admonished by his principal. A look as if to say "What?!" will not be present. The liar is more concerned with how he is going to respond than he is with the accusation itself./ Clue 33 - Never Believe Anyone Who Says This: Have you ever met someone who insisted on starting statements with phrases such as "To be perfectly honest," "To be frank," or "To tell you the truth"? Someone whi os telling the truth doesn´t need to convince you before he gets his words out. Soe people habitually use these phrases. Such expressions mean literally that everything that came before them is a lie, everything that will come after will be a lie, but for now he´s decided to pause to tell you the truth. If these phrases are not part of a person´s usual verbal repertoire, watch out! If someone´s going to tell you the truth, it´s unlikely that he would start off by saying just that. If he feels the need to tell you that he´s being honest and that you´re about to receive the whole truth, you can be pretty sure you´re not getting it./ Also included in this clue is the ever-pervasive and always annoying phrase "Why would I lie to you?" If you receive this response to an accusation you´ve made, be suspicious. If he´s being accused of something he probably has an excellent reason to lie./ I cannot tell a lie, Or can I? The phrase "I never lie" should always be received with caution. Anyone who needs to declare his virtuous nature does so because there is no other way for you to find out. Some people will say just about anything to sound believable, even lie straight to your face. One´s honor should speak for itself . When a person tells you that he is the most honest person that you will ever meet, don´t walk away-run./ Clue 34 - I´ve Got My Answer Down Pat: If his answer sounds pat and well rehearsed, there´s a fair chance that he was expecting the question and took the time to get his sotry straight. Having facts and details at your fingertips that should not be easily recalled is a good indication that you have prepared. For instance, suppose Samantha, when asked where she was on a particular day two months ago, responds with, "I went to work, lef at five-thirty, had dinner at Dino´s until seven forty-five, and then went straight home." Law enforcement officers are aware of and use this clue with great results. Suppose a police detective questions a suspect. If the suspect is able to recall what he did and where he was on a given date two years earlier, something is very wrong. Most of us can´t remember what we had for breakfast yesterday morning! / Rehearsed answers also provide a person with a way of giving you information that you never asked for, information that they want known. Politicians are famous for answering questions that wer never asked. They have an agenda that will come out redardless of the questions put to them. Sometimes they don´t even bother to rework the question; they just take off in their own direction. During the William Kennedy Smith rape trial, Smith´s uncle Ted Kennedy was called as a defense withness to testify about to his knowledge of the day. In just minutes the courtroom was treated to Kennedy´s taking us through the history of his family, the death of his brothers, and the trials and tribulations of his life. The courtroom was mesmerized, This was done to evoke the Kennedy aura and charm for the benefit of William Kennedy Smith. Whether it had a direct impact or not is hard to say, but Smith was found not guilty./ Clue 35 - Can You Repeat the Question, Please? Instead of hemming and hawing, he may resort to one of the following statemets to buy himself some time, to review the best course of action, to prepare his answer, or to shift the topic entirely. They are all designed to delay his answer. For example, you ask domeone how old he is and he responds with "How old do you think I am?" It´s obvious that your answer may influence his. Here are some of the more popular ones: 1. "Could you repeat the question?", 2. "It depends on how you look at it.", 3."What´s your point exactly?", 4. "Why would you ask something like that?", 5. "Where did you hear that?", 6. "Where is this coming from?", 7. "Could you be more specific?", 8. "How dare you ask me something like that?", 9. "I think we both know the answer to that.", 10. "Well, it´s not so simple as yes or no.", 11."That´s an excellent question. It deserves some thought.", 12. "Can you keep a secret? Great. So can I." 13. "I´m not sure this is the best place to discuss this.", 14. The person repeats your question back to you, an attempt at sounding incredulous. For exampe, "Did I sell you a puppy with a heart condition? Is that what you´re asking me?" / Clue 36 - Sleight of Mouth: You´ve heard the old saying "If it sound too good to be true, then it probably is." During the O.J. Simpson trial, Detective Mark Fuhrman said on the witness stand and under oath that he had never in the past ten years used a specifc racial epithet. Almost no one -including the jury- believed that this was true. He would have been deemed as much more credible had he admitted to using racial epithets on occasion and with regret. But saying he never used them in any context seemed highly implausible. And indeed, the evidence later proved him to be a liar, forcing him to assert his Fifth Amendment privilege to avoid self-incrimination. If something sounds implausible, investigate further-no matter how convincing the person is./ Clue 37 - Tricky Dicky: There is also such a thing as a lie through implication instead of expression. During the 1960 presidential campaign, Richard Nixon sought to remind Americans that his opponent John F. Kennedy was Catholic, not Protestant. We had never had a Catholic president before, and Nixon thought the fact that Kennedy was Catholic might make the American people uneasy. Blatantly reminding the public of his opponent´s religion would make him look bad. So, in keeping with his reputation and according to the wisdom of politics. Nixon said the following: "I don´t want anyone not to vote for John Kennedy because he is a Catholic." The intent was obviously different from the message, but he got his point across nicely. Although as history later proved, his effort was futile./ Whenever someone makes a point of telling you what they´re not doing, you can be sure it´s exactly what they are doing. The preamble is what they really mean. After a blind date, Jim was informed by the woman he went out with that she´s very busy for the next few weeks but that she doesn´t want him to think she´s blowing him off. If that was not her intention, then it wouldn´t have occurred to her to say that. When you hear, "Not to hurt your feelings, but..." you can be sure that this person doesn´t mind hurting your feelings./ Another clever way of lying through implying comes in the form of a denial. It works like this. Let´s say that an agent is attempting to convince a casting director to cast his client, John Jones, instead of another actor, Sam Smith. The agent casually mentions to the casting director that Sam was at the Betty Ford Clinic last month, but heard it was only to see a friend. Now the castin director wonders if Sam has an alcohol or drug problem. Had the agent simply said that Sam was there to get treatment, the casting director would have been suspicious of his intentions in mentioning it. By stating it in the form of a denial, he implants the suggestion without suspicion./ Let´s look at another example. You hear, "He´s having marital problems, but it has nothing to do with his wife´s new job." What´s the first thing you ask? "What does his wife do?" Suddenly you´re in the exact conversation that is "supposed" to have no bearing on the facts. Clever, isn´t it? Don´t be misled./ Clue 38 - Don´t Be Ridiculous: Beware of the person who uses humor and sarcasm to defuse your concerns. For instance, you ask one of your salespeople if she met with the competition and she replies, "Sure did. We mmet everyday in a secret warehouse. You can get in only if you know the special knock. It´s there where we discuss th eventual downfall of your business empire." This makes you feel foolish about inquiring further. And she knows it. When you ask a serious question, you should expect a direct response./ Clue 39 - We´re Out of Stock: Have you ever had the salesman tell you that the item you were looking for is inferior to another one? And as it turns out, the one that you want happens to be out of stock. Clearly, he would have been much more believable if he had said he did have what you wanted but preferred to show you something even better. So before you accept someone at his word that he has something better to offer, first see whether he has what you originally asked for. If he doesn´t, there´s a better than even chance that you shouldn´t believe him./ Clue 40 - The Number Zone: There´s an old saying that goes, "If you always tell the truth, then you´ll never have to remember anything." When a liar speaks, in an attempt to appear fluid, he will often fall into the number zone. This is when all of the numbers he mentions are the same or multiples of one another. This happens because he is thinking fast and is trying to remember what he´s saying. A typical exhcange during a job interview might go as follows: Ms. Smith: So Mark, how many years´ expericence do you have in restaurant management? Mark: At the three places I´ve worked, I´ve had about six years experience in total. Ms Smith: Tell me a little bit about your experience at these places. Mark: Well, I would put in sixty-hour weeks. And I was in charge of a crew of about twelve... Watch out when facts, figures, and information have unusual similarities./ Clue 41 - Nervous Nellie: While we can control some gestures, the following are involuntary responses that we have little or no control over: The fight-or-flight syndrome: A person´s face may become flushed or, with extreme fear, can turn white. Look for signs of rapid breathing and increased perspiration. Additionally, take not if he is trying to control his breathing to calm himself. This will appear as deep, audible inhaling and exhaling./ Trembling or shaking in voice and body: His hands may tremble. If he is hiding his hands, it might be an attempt to hide uncontrollabale shaking. His voice may crack and seem inconsistent./ This is hard to swallow: Swallowing becomes difficult, so look for a hard swallow. Television or movie actors who wish to express fear or sadness often use this behavior - hence the expression "all choked up." Also indicative is a clearing of the throat. Due to anxiety, mucus forms in the throat. A public speaker who is nervous often clears his throat before speaking./ A choir boy, he´s not! Vocal chords, like all muscles, tighten when a person is stressed. This will produce a higher sound, octave, and/or pitch./ I´m sorry, you said what? When we´re under stress, our ability to focus on something is often diminished. Have you ever met someone at a party and forgotten his name right after you´re introduced? Look for signs of distraction and an inability to pay attention to what´s going on./ The whistler: Whistling seems to be a universal action to relax oneself whe one is frightened or anxious, and is an unconscious attempt to build up courage or confidence. Most people have little tells -gestures used when they are nervous. They may rub an ear for reassurance or plaster on a fake smile to boost their confidence./ Clue 42 - Oh So Clever: The ancient sport of Judo has a fundamental philosophy: do not confront force with force; instead use your opponent´s strength and turn it against him. The purveyors of this clue never get defensive or argue, they simply use your own words to support their claim./ Let´s say that a guard is standing watch over a restricted area. It´s his job to check ID´s of those who enter. "I´m not sure you have authorization," he saysto a man attemtping access. "I´m not surprised," answered the man, "only a few people are aware of my clearance level. My work here is not supposed to be known by everyone." Do you see how quickly the man verbally disarmed the guard? Had he started to argue an insist that he had clearance and that the guard was a fool for not knowing, he would have met with a wall of resistance. Rather, he agrees with the guard, and explains that the reason why the guard thought he didn´t have authorization is the very reason why he does have authorization./ A certain bagel company overcame an obvious marketing problem by using this same practice. The company sells frozen bagels, yet it wanted to project an image of freshness, a characteristic that to most of us is the opposite of frozen. Their solution? The slogan "They taste best because they´re frozen." Watch out when someone tries to use an obvious fact to support a questionable assertion./ Clue 43 - The Moral Assumption: This clue is so clever and pervasive that once you hear about it, you´ll probably realize that it has already been used on you many times. The genesis of this clue comes courtesy of human nature. We all have an inherent need for order, for continuity and consistency./ The purveyor of deceit demonstrates characteristics with a specific moral bent so that other of his actions will seen in that light. An example will clarify. Let´s say that Joe, the financial officer of a large corporation, thinks that you may be on his embezzlement scheme. he knows that you have no real proof, but he wants to throw you off hte rack. What might he do? In your presence he may openly chastise another employee for "borrowing" some office supplies for her personal use at home. Your impression is that Joe is a moral person who objects to something as minor as stealing office supplies. Certainly he cannot be responsible for a large-scale embezzlement scheme./ A wife sho is concerned that her husband suspects her of having a brief affair (which she did indeed have) might say something like this: "Honey, do you remember Harvey, Sally´s husband? Well, Jill told me that they´re having problems because Harvey kissed a coworker at the Christmas party. If you ask me, she should leave that no-good piece of garbage. Who knows what else he´s done? Even if that was it, what is going through his mind? What an idiot!"/ This is going to put serious doubts in the mind of this woman´s husband that she would ever be unfaithful to him./ Clue 44 - Oh, by the Way: Beware if she casually tells you something that should deserve more attention. For example, she says, "Oh, by the way, I´ve got to go out of town next weekend on business." If she doesn´t usually travel for work on the weekends, then you would expect her to make a point of how unusal the trip is. Her downplaying the trip makes it suspicious./ When something out of the ordinary happens and the person doesn´t draw attention to it, it means that she is trying to draw attention away from it. And for this there is usually a reason. Another tactic is running off a long list of items in the hope that one will remain unnoticed. Magicians, who are experts at slight-of-hand, know that their effectiveness lies in their ability to draw you attention where they want it to go. When your attention is being directed one way, check to see what lies the other way./ Clue 45 - Lots of Lies: If you catch a person in one lie, it makes good sense to question everything else that person has said. Let´s say you´re buying a car and the salesman says that you must act quickly because two other people have looked at this car and it´s the last one in stock. Say something like "I hear that this model retains its value better than most others, isn´t that true?" Or "I heard that they´re going to raise the prices on next year´s model substantially." These are statements an honest salesperson will question if he or she hasn´t heard any such thing. However, if your salesperson is quick to agree with you, it means that he would say almost anything to make the sale -which also means that he probably doesn´t have anyone else interested in the car, even though he´s claimed otherwise. If you can, try to find out if this person has a reputation for being deceitful. Honesty is a function of character, and character is not something that is easily changed./ Clue 46 - Wild, Wild, Wild: "You´re not going to believe what happened to me!" How many times have we heard that phrase? Common sense dictates that if we want someone to believe us, we should make our story or explanation as believable as possible. This is usually true, but not always. Sometimes the more outrageous a story is, the moe believable it becomes. Why? Because we think to ourselves, If this person wanted to lie to me, he´d probably have come up with something a little less far-fetched. So in this clever deception the liar embellishes his story and simply offers the phrase "Don´t you think that if I was going to lie to you, I´d come up something a little more believable? You just can´t make the stuff up." When in fact that´s exactly what he´s done./ Summary: ~ When the subject is changed, he´s in a better more relaxed mood. ~ He does not become indignant when falsely accused. ~ He uses such phrases as "To tell you the truth," "To be perfectly honest," and "Why would I lie to you?" ~ He has an answer to your question down pat. ~ He stalls by asking you to repeat the question or by answering your question with a question. ~ What he´s saying sounds implausible. ~ He offers a preamble to his statement starting with "I don´t want you to think that..." Often that´s exactly what he wants you to think. ~ She uses humor or sarcasm to defuse your concerns. ~ He offers you a "better" alternative to your request when he is unable to give you what you originally asked for. ~ All of his facts relating to numbers are the same or multiples of one another. ~ There is evidence of involuntary responses that are anxiety based. ~ He uses an obvious fact to support a dubious action. ~ She casually tells you something that deserves more attention. ~ He exclaims his displeasure at the actins of another who has done something similar so that you will not suspect him. ~ If he lies about one thing, everything he says is questinable. ~ His story is so wild that you almost don´t believe it. But you do, because if he wanted to lie, you think that he would have come up with something more plausible./ Part 2 - Becoming a Human Lie Detector: "Deceit, feeding on ignorance, weaves carelessly around the truth, twisting its prey down a path to destined regret." This part contains a sophisticated and comprehensive system of questioning that will get the truth out of any person. We often go into verbal combat unprepared to do battle. Because we´re unable to think clearly and effectively communicate our thoughts, we think of what we should have said two days later./ The clues to deception can be used with great reliability in everyday situations and conversations. However, if you must know the truth in a given situation, this part provides you with a sequence of questions that virtually guarantees that you will know (a) if you’re being lied to and (b) what the truth is if it’s not obvious from the lie. When used in order, all three phases offer you the greatest opportunity to get at the truth./ Outline - Phase One. Three Atack-Sequence Primers: Sometimes this technique in and of itself will reveal a person´s guilt, but if it doesn´t, you haven´t lost any leverage and can proceed to phase two. The primers are used to test a person´s vulnerability and to gauge his or her level of concern over a particular subject. Phase Two - Eleven Attack Sequences: This phase consists of one direct sequence and ten other possible sequences. Use whicever one best fits the situation. These carefully scripted sequences put you in the best possible position to get at the truth. You will see that the phrasing of your request -what precedes the request and what follows it- is essential. Context is everything! / Phase Three - Eleven Silver Bullets: Fire these off if you´re still not satisfied. Perhaps the person hasn´t yet confessed but you know he isn´t being truthful. If you feel you´ve been lied to, but a full confession isn´t forthcoming, this phase takes you through an additional process to get the truth. Though these bullets can be fired in any order you want, some will rule out others. So choose ahead of time which are most appropriate for the situation./ How To Proceed: Lay the groundwork by starting with phase one. Then choose one of the eleven attack sequences from phase two. If you haven´t gotten a full confession after you try an attack sequence, fire your silver bullets one by one. The results will be truly astonishing./ If terms like arsenal, weapons and bulletsseem warlike it´s understandable. But they´re thoroughly appropirate considering the situation. A lie can be very injurious. Protecting yourself is the objective. You need to see the process of detecting deceit for what it really is -a verbal battle. And from now on, when you enter this battle, you will be very well armed. / Phase 1 - Three Attack-Sequence Primers: Most of us are familiar with the Rorschach test, developed in 1921 by Hermann Rorschach. The test consits of ten bilaterally symmetrical inkblots, each on an individual card. These abstract shapes, which have no particular meaning or form, are shownone at a time to the subject. Put simply, the theory behind the test is that a person´s interpretation of the shapes will reveal his or her unconscious or sublimated thoughts. For the sequence primers, we use the same psychological principles but employ them in a whole new way: you find out what´s on a person´s mindby giving him a verbal abstract test. A person´s true intentions will surface in his comments and / or gestures./ Primer 1 - Don´t Accuse - Allude: Asking a person outright, "Have you been cheating on me?" will put him on the defensive. The objective here is to ask a question that does not accuse the person of anything but alludes to the person´s possible behavior. If she doesn´t realize you´re implying anything, then he´s probably not guilty. But if he gets defensive, then he knows what you´re getting at. The only way he could know is if he is guilty of the accusation. The point is, an innocent person shouldn´t have a clue about what you´re alluding to.& You don´t want the queston to be accusatory or too broad. For example, if you suspect someone of murder, you wouldn´t say, "Kill anyone last weekend?" And assking, "How was your day?" is clearly too broad./ You want the question to be framed in such a way that he will get suspicious of your asking only if he is guilty. He won´t react unusually if he isn´t, but as if it were an out-of-the-ordinary question. If you asked your neighbor whether space aliens had landed on her front lawn, you wouldn´t expect her to respond seriously at all. She may answer jokingly or just laugh it off entirely. And you certainly wouldn´t expect, "Why do you ask? Did someone say something to you?" This response is curious for a question that should be taken as absurd./ When you ask the question, be matter-of-fact. Don´t square off. You don´t want him defensive unless he has a reason to be. Beware of all the clues to deceit, particularly the one about a guilty person continuing to add more information as he thinks of it and without your prompting. Now, whatever is on the person´s mind will reveal itself in the conversation that ensues. If he´s innocent of what you suspect him of, then he´ll answer casually and leave it at that. However, if he´s guilty he´s not sure why you´re asking the question. So he´ll question you about your question./ Examples of Phrasing Perimeters: The key is to phrase a question that sounds perfectly innocent to an innocent person, but like an accusation to the guilty. SUSPICION: You think that your employee was fired from his last job because he stole from his previous employer. QUESTION: "Do you still keep in contact with your old boss?" SUSPICION: You feel that your boyfriend or girlfriend was unfaithful the night before. QUESTION: "Anything interesting happen last night?" SUSPICION: You think a coworker told your secretary that you have a crush on her./ QUESTION: "Heard any good gossip recently? / Any answers such as "Why do you ask?" or "Where did you hear that?" indicate concern on the person´s part. He should not be seeking information from you if he does not think that your question is leading. He should also not be interested in why you´re asking the question unless he thinks that you may know what he doesn´t want you to./ Primer 2 - Similar Scenario: This primer works by introducing a scenario similar to what you suspect is going on. There are two ways to do this -specific and general. This primer deals with specifics, while Primer 3 takes the general approach. This works well because you´re able to brig up the topic without being accusatory./ SUSPICION: You suspect one of your salespeople has lied to a customer in order to make the sale. QUESTION: "Jim, I´m wondering if you could help me with something. It´s come to my attention that someone in the sales department has been misrepresenting our products to customers. How do you think we can clear this up?" - If he´s innocent of the charges hés likely to offer his advice and be pleased that you sought out his opinion. If he´s guilty he´ll seem uncomfortable and will assure you that he would never do anything like that. Either way, this opens the door to probe further./ SUSPICION: A hospital administrator suspects that a doctor was drinking while on duty. QUESTION: "Dr. Marcus, I´d like to get your advice on something. A colleague of mine at another hospital has a problem with one of his doctors. He feels h may be drinking while on call. Do you have any suggestions on how he can approach the doctor about this problem? - Again, if he´s guilty he´ll seem very uncomfortable. If he´s not drinking on duty, then he will be pleased that you sought his advice and offer it./ Primer 3 - It´s Amazing, Isn´t It? With this primer, you still bring up the subject, but in a general way. Casually broaching the subject in this manner provides great insight into the person´s innocence or guilt./ SUSPICION: You think a student has cheated on her exam. QUESTION: "Isn´t it amazing how someone can cheat on a test and not realize that I was standing behind her the entire time?" SUSPICION: You suspect a coworker of bad-mouthing you to your boss. QUESTION: "It´s amazing all the backstabbing that goes on around here, isn´t it? And these preople doing it think that it won´t get back to the person involved." / SUSPICION: You thing that your girlfriend may be two-timing you. QUESTION: "It´s amazing how someone can be unfaithful and expect not to get caught." / Again, any answers that prompt a response such as "Why do you ask?" or "Where did you hear that?" shows that your question concerns him./ Sometimes there´s no need to confront someone who we feel has lied. We just want to know for ourselves. In instances like these, it´s not necessary to finish the attack sequence. Just use the primers to satisfy your own curiosity, or use the techniques in Part 3, which allow you to discreetly gather information. (Note: Two other responses are possible for primers 2 and 3. The person may begin to talk generically about the subject or change it completely. A chang in subject is highly indicative of guil. However, if he finds your question interesting and he´s innocent, he might begin a conversation about it. This is a strong indication of his innocence, because he´s unafraid to discuss the subject and hasn´t probed why you have even brought it up./ Phase 2 - Eleven Attack Sequences: It´s 8:00 A.M. on a Sunday morning. You´re resting in bed when the doorbel rings. mumbling incoherently, you get up, put on your robe, and stagger to the door. Upon opening it you´re greeted by a smiling, energetic young woman waving a glossy pamphlet in your face and asking for thirty seconds of your time. Ten minutes later you close the door, stuble back to bed, and ask yourself, "Why did I give that woman ten dollars to save the red-spotted from from extinction? I don´t even like frogs." Obviously there was something involved that made you exchange something your like -your money- for something you don´t particularly care about -frogs. You can see from this transaction that sometimes it´s the context of a request, not the request itself, that determines a person´s willingness to cooperate or resist./ Attack Sequence 1 - Direct Questioning: Sometimes the direct approach is best. The only drawback to asking a question outright is that you then can´t use any of the other sequences unless you let a considerable amount of time pass./ Stage 1. Ask your question directly: When you talk with the person you want to get infromation from, to maximize the amount you learn, follow these six guidelines: 1. Give no advance warning of the subject you´re about to bring up or of any feelings of mistrust you may have. Unsolicited questions are the thoughest for him to answer, so if he brings up the subject, make sure that you ask your question after any statements that he may make. His deceit will be harder to detect if: ~ He has responded to the same statement before. When you ask your question, phrase it in a new way. Don´t keep asking the same question over and over again. He gets entrenched in his position and good at convincing you. By varying how you ask your question, you have more opportunities to detect deceit. ~ He knows that he will be asked the question. Give no warning of what´s on your mind. ~ He knows what he´s going to say, like an actor reading his lines. You know they are not his words; he´s just followin a script. Give him some time and you´ll be crying and laughing along with him. No matter how trained he is, once he gets beyond the script, he´s unrehearsed and unprepared, and that´s right where you want him. ~ He thinks he´s justified in lying. This removes all guilt-oriented clues. When people believe in what they are saying -even if they don´t believe it- they say it with conviction. ~ He feels there´s little or nothing at stake, so he probably won´t appear nervous, which means you can´t use those clues as an indicator. Most of the other clues will still be available for you to observe. ~ He has a severe mental disorder. Such person does not have a concept of right and wrong./ 2. Never reveal what you know first. Ask questions to gather information to see if it´s consistent with what you already know. During WWII, England had cracked Enigma, the secret code used by the Germans. England learned of an impending attack by the Germans on the town of Coventry. However, if Churchill evacuated the people, the Germans would know that Englan had broken the code and would change it. This left Churchill with an obvious conundrum. Weighing the lives of those who lived in Coventry against teh enormous possible future gain of being privy to all Germany´s war plans, Churchill decided not to tell the towns people, and hundreds died. With any luck you´ll never bi in such a predicament, but you can see that sometimes it´s better not to reveal your position -even if it means suffering great short-term losses./ The greater objective must be kept in mind. This makes it possibe for him to slip up and reveal information you know to be contradictory to the truth. If he knows what you know, then he can tailor his sotry to be consistent with the information that you already know./ 3. The way you present yourself can greatly influence the attitude of the other person. Simple things such as unbuttoning your coat or uncrossing your arms can make the other person feel less defensive. When you have a rapport with someone, he is much more likely to feel comfortable and open uo. Rapport creates trust, allowing you to build a psychological bridge to the person. The conversation is likely to be more positive and you will be much more persuasive. Three powerful tips for establishing and building rapport are: ~Matching posture and movements: If he has one hand in his pocket, you put your hand in yours. If he makes a gesture with his hand, after a moment, you casually make the same gesture. ~Matching speech: Try to match his rate of speech. If he´s speaking in a slow, relaxed tone, you do the same. If he´s speaking quickly, then you speak quickly. ~ Matching key words: If she is prone to using certain words or phrases, emply them when you speak. For instance, if he says, "The offer is designated for incredible gain for both parties," later in the conversation you might say something like, "I like that the offer is designed to offer incredible gain..." Make sure that you don´t seem to be mimicking her. Obvious copying of another´s movements is unproductive. A simple reflection of aspects of the person´s behavior or speech is enough. This ca be a very powerful skill for you, once you become good at it./ Later in the questioning you´ll move to stage four. This will make your target person nervous, enabling you to shift strategies. But initially you don´t want to make him nervous. You want to create an environment in which the only reason he has to be nervous is if he´s done something wrong. This way any anxiety-based responses or actios are the product of his deceit, not his environment./ 4. Lie detectors use what is called a baseline, which corresponds to the person´s normal level of anxiety. It´s a good idea, if possible, to do something similar. Ask a question that you know will produce a response similar to how you expect him to react. You need to know whether certain patterns of behavior are part of this person´s usual repertoire. You want to establish how he responds to a question that can be answered easily and use that as a benchmark if you don´t know the person well. In other words, if he waves his arms around no matter what he´s talkign about, you want to know this./ 5, Although your posture should be relaxes and nonthreatening, see if you can square off so that you´re facing each other. This allows you to use several of the detection clues having to do with body language (see part 1, section 1 and 2)./ 6. Never, ever interrupt. You can´t learn anything new while you´re talking. Also ask open-ended questions. This gives you the opportunity to hear longer answes. If you don´t get the answer you´re looking for, continue to the next stage./ Stage 2. Silence. First, don´t respond at all. This will usually make him continue talking. The guilty abhor silence. It makes them uncomfortable. It also gives you a chance to observe othe clues such as changes of subject, uncomfortable laughter, nervousness, etc. If you don´t get the answer you´re looking for, continue to the next stage./ Stage 3. Really?



Página 78 - En el o





that bluish light than can only come from late TV.